Trains or Big Girl Panties...take your pick

So I've decided that some people are going to get the sweet Little Engine That Could train in the mail to encourage them this week and others, well...they are getting a pair of big girl panties...and a note that says "Put your big girl panties on and get over it!"

It's the holiday season...adults are tired and excited and kids are, well kids. They are acting like little angels one minute and turkeys the next. AND when you teach school, it is to be expected that a week containing a sing along, holiday fine dining and holiday parties is going to be miserably exhausting. I am pretty sure this is where the phrase if you can't beat em, join em was created. Sit back, teach fun game lessons and enjoy your students. After the break you can worry about re-training them for school and being a hardass.

It's not just teachers (all my teacher friends, trust me...if it were you, I'd tell you..)
I stood behind a lady in line at the pharmacy who actually put her hand on her hip and stomped her feet because it was taking longer than she liked. REALLY?! All I could her in my head was "Don'ta stomp your last season Prada shoes at me honey" (Legally Blonde anyone) GET OVER YOURSELF.

Oh and ps...the world does not revolve around just one or a few people...we all have stress in our lives and we all need to accept it, deal with it and move on...remember...you don't want the panties, you want the train...

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Have a little bit of the blues lately...

...trying to stay out of a funk. Seth's been busy with work, I've been busy with work, evenings are full of overtime type activities for Seth and grad school work for me. My body is changing and while I am grateful for that because that means it's doing what it should be, I'm feeling a little low about my appearance. I even convinced myself that my body disgusts my husband and that I look like a fatty. Now, add that to stress and hormones and imagine what's happening in my brain. I am not the first person to ever feel this way, I know that. And I don't mean to complain, I just need some inspiration. Trying to climb out of the hole I've fallen into. I keep telling myself, this is just one moment of hormones...who knows, the next I could be feeling like God's gift to men!~ LOL.

It's been a while...

Life has been crazy busy, but this post won't be a long one to catch you up...

Started Grade School, now almost through the first semester with A's in both classes. My case load at work is much lighter this year (not sure how it could have been heavier than last year). Got to attend a phenomenal Autism Conference in October - met Temple Grandin, Carol Gray and Tony Attwood!

The big news of the year though is that we are pregnant! Well...I'm pregnant and we are expecting I guess! As of today, we are 12 weeks and 4 days. Heading out to the doctor shortly. I've discovered that people say horribly rude and hurtful things to pregnant people. For example: That's not baby, that's fat. Are you sure it's not twins? A little walking would do you some good. AND THAT"S JUST THE BEGINNING! First of all, I have lost 8 pounds since we found out (if morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, then we are all good here!). Secondly, most of the clothes that I bought are too big in the back and legs, it's just baby. Now don't get me wrong, lots of people say nice things, but it's the mean ones that you hold on to. I understand very clearly now why they tell teachers for every negative thing, have three positives to go with it!

Woo-hoo!!!

Okay, so good news to report...down six pounds! yay!!! ...that's it for now... Happy Friday!

Enough's, enough!

Okay friends...the numbers don't lie...I need to drop some weight. I need some support and prayers to get into and maintain a workout groove. There is no excuse...we have a spin bike and a home gym thingy at the house along with multiple workout videos, stability balls and hand weights...again...no excuse! Goal: drop 20 pounds...

Lofty, I know, but I think I can do it! I am going to start eating more of the South Beach way for the first two weeks to help jumpstart things. That has worked for me in the past. BUT, I have gotten way to bad about having a sweet tea or coffee or whatever around the house and not drinking as much water as I need to be. So today is August 3, 2010 and I have 20 pounds to lose...I will report my loss back in on Friday (and then again Monday, just to keep me accountable over the weekend).

School starts officially for teachers two weeks from yesterday...goal by then...let's say at least 5 pounds...very realistic, but I'd love to lose more...

Goal for workout: 45 minutes on the bike 3 days a week, and running (at least 2 miles) 2 days a week. Home gym workout - 4 days a week... I can do this...

6 degrees of....

well you know the rest. I absolutely LOVE some days how small the world really is. It's nice to know that there are people I go to church with in Coupland that are friends with people I went to junior high with and that there are people I was friends with in high school who grew up to be phenominal artists, models, musicians, actors/actresses, big wigs working in casinos, etc. And here I sit...in the middle of them all, a school teacher. I love it. Makes for super fun stories to tell my students about people "I really know" :) The beautiful thing: they are all still great people.

God bless my husband

God bless him. Yesterday we spent yet another day working on the yard...treating for bugs, weeds, cleaning, securing shelter for our dogs, etc. Before we could do all that, we had to make a Home Depot run. Now, we have one of those fabulous Home Depot credit cards that we have paid off...BUT I told Seth we needed to put the batteries and charger and yard stuff on the card and we would pay it off when the bill came. We get there and he is all hesitant about buying a battery and charger because of the price. If you know my husband and I, I am typically the "it's too expensive" one in our relationship. I looked at him and was like.."really? I expected to spend x amount of dollars and this is less than that" God bless him. He insisted that we tour the entire store looking for a sale set instead...30 minutes later, we were checking out with the first one we saw...love him.

Today, I get up, get ready to spend my day with precious Parker and Seth is up. Okay...no big deal except that my perfume makes his allergies act up first thing in the morning before he gets fresh outside air...so, I go into the guest bathroom, put it on (after waiting for him to travel downstairs and to the garage) and head to the door. Seth forgets something and goes upstairs right where I have just sprayed, comes back downstairs with "OH, GOD" as his last words to me before I cheerfully head out the door with a "love you babe!" and a smile. All I could think was...I'm pretty sure you aren't going to die from perfume inhailation and if you do, well it must have been your time to go. I know that sounds harsh, but for six years perfume never bothered him and now he blames every sneeze on anything scented (not the fact that he is one of those people who should get up and take a benadryl every morning because his allergies are THAT bad!)

So, I spend my day with Parker and decide that for dinner I want to try my hand at homemade mac and cheese because that is one of Seth's favorite things to order as a treat when we go out to dinner. I find a recipe, get cooking, bake it and then taste it...not exactly what I thought it would be like, but ok. Seth comes in from working outside and I call him over to try it...he very politely tells me it is good and waits for me to say something about the texture of the cheese. His response.."babe, it really is good. It's just not as creamy as some places. But it is really good, I like it." Again, God bless him because that mac and cheese tastes awful to me! :)

I clean the kitchen and pour a glass of wine, sit down and visit with my love while he happily eats his dinner before going back to the garage. So now here I am, rambling about macaroni and cheese...and I just looked over to see a fly making a swimming pool out of my full glass of wine...really?!?!?! You've got to be kidding me. Thank God my husband was so sweet or that fly would have sent me over the edge...

Really?

Busy day today...
Church program until noon...great day for sure. Then came home to Seth, who was hungry so we went into Taylor for a burger and a blizzzard...I know, typical south Texas...but it was good. When we came home, I went and mowed the backyard (we will have company Saturday night and I feel like the backyard looks like we are WT...) When I finished, Seth came out back (he was busy cleaning inside and in the garage and knows that I find mowing to be very therapuetic) and helped me clean up the yard. We have two very large dogs so our yard was a mess. Needless to say, we filled the trashcan with backyard "goodies" that the dogs had torn up and now our yard looks very clean and green! yay!

It was SUPER hot out so after we finished I suggested going up to CHili's for a few drinks...after all...after working hard in the heat of the day, I deserved an adult beverage! Great time. Drank, ate a few chips and ordered some food to go for a night at home enjoying movies...BUT we get home and REALLY????? Suddenly, we are completely disinterested in time watching movies or other things together! Are you kidding me?! Three double vodka tonics in and I am pissed...ridiculously I might add.

Funny how a few (well maybe more than a few) drinks in and I feel the need to be the center of the universe and then get mad because that is NOT what happens. I can't decide if I am irritated with Seth or myself. What would you have expected? In my mind we were going to continue the wonderful fun conversation we were having at dinner when we got home...ummm...no. Instead it was..."do you think blockbuster has any new movies out?" SERIOUSLY???? Why don't boys get it? The date doesn't end because we walked into the house! If anything...it should get BETTER! Oh well. Movies aren't that bad, but I was really enjoying our conversation.

Again...it might be me...we all know boys don't think the same way as girls and that is how God made them...and why God gave girls a good sense of humor and lots of paitence.

Oh rundown of food for the day: I tried some new stuff...Schnitzl? and German potato salad (just enough to taste) egg whites, english muffin...oh and three, well make it four vodka tonics and a blizzard...but I totally busted my butt to work it off this afternoon. Lots of water though...so that's a plus...and exercise...plus two right?

I am perfect, right? : )

This will just be brief as I posted a long one already today! There is no better day to start reflecting on my day than Sunday...so here goes...

For the first time in a while, I actually stayed late after church and it was nice to get to visit with everyone. During the summer, our church does not hold Sunday school so I don't get to really see anyone. I enjoyed getting to know our interim Pastor's family as well as catching up with families I hadn't seen in a while. As the youth director at the church, time spent with adults is limited! It was sweet today though because I was honored with a card and giftcard for my service to our youth at the beginning of the service. Very sweet.

I was really fine most of the day then decided after the soccer game that I was irritated with Seth for leaving bowls, plates, cups upstairs, on the counters, in the sink, etc and not cleaning it up. So, I chose to stomp through the house with the trash can, throwing away things and then chose to very loudly scrub dishes in the kitchen sink and stomp through the house (clearly making a point). He asked what was wrong and, well, you can imagine. I took that question as an open ended free-for-all on what I felt at that time...again...I am sure you can imagine. But here's the funny part...I only mentioned things that irritate me and did not really care that there is laundry on the closet floor and bathroom floor with irritates the daylights out of him.

It is funny when you are married...everything can be just fabulous and then you have a mood swing that sends you plummeting into bitchy wife world or jackass husband land. Today was one of those days. Then I got so mad about it that I pouted and refused to acknowledge that the other six out of seven days were great. Brings up the question...maybe it's me...nah...who am I kidding, I am perfect, right? Haha!

Honesty

We all take honesty for granted at some point in our lives (at least, most people I know). Most of the time we have no problem being honest with other people. It is honesty with ourselves that is the issue.

Now, having said that, I have a severe problem of worrying that I am going to hurt someone's feelings or let someone down with every choice I make. I do things because I just can't stand to say no to people I care about. Some of you reading this may think "well that's okay" but it isn't. I say yes at the expense of stretching myself to thin, increasing my anxiety level, and doing everything half-ass. My friends and family probably wouldn't say that, but that is how it feels.

My goal through this blog is to increase my honesty with myself. So, let's be honest.

1. I over extend myself
2. Can't complain about a dirty house or dirty laundry if I am not cleaning it or asking for help.
3. I need to eat better.
4. I need to exercise more.
5. I am overweight (obese, no. but definitely need to lose some lbs!) Please don't take that as I have low self esteem...it's just the truth.
6. My husband is not really an ass, I just feel shitty about myself occasionally (we all do it) so blame it on him some days. Again, don't take it as low self esteem...we all just have moody days.


I could go on, but let's start there for now. My plan is to submit an entry about my feelings etc for the day, each day or few days. Feel free to comment.